We walked into 2020 expecting The Roaring Twenties 2.0, expecting a version of this -

But the only similarity it had was - a pandemic and the rejection of social norms... Well, in a manner of speaking, at least :P
I mean...who ever imagined taking morning meetings in bed wearing PJs, or seeing actual clear blue skies in Delhi?

It's been exactly a year since the WHO announced that the COVID-19 outbreak was officially a pandemic.
Our world as we knew it, came to a screeching halt.
When I look back, it's with a mixture of horror, amusement and wisdom.

March 2020.
On the home turf, our year didn't exactly start well - with the JNU attacks, the CAA/NRC protests, the communal riots, and the 'Doland' making his own (maskless) visit to this country.
We all heard of this curious new disease called 'coronavirus', the memes about beer and hand washing started and we waited.

We'd gone through swine flu, avian flu and Ebola by this time, and those times felt rather brief because the world would always find a way out, wouldn't it?
Most of us were in denial for a long, long time.

Yours truly at this point, was to move back to Delhi after nearly a decade, start a brand new job at a brand new startup, travel to Bali in April with someone new and exciting after months of heartbreak, get back to all the things I love, like creating, reading, plays, concerts, thrift stores, street food and curated events.
But well. Woman proposes; pandemic disposes.
We all know how this story goes for literally anyone with any sort of plan beyond March 2020.

Looking back now, it's hard to think it's just been a year. Our world pre-2020, seems so quaint and unrealistic and far off. While it's a year most of us would rather forget, it's also been one that took my own journey & growth through this random, crazy, sometimes beautiful mess called life, into fast-forward.

A lookback at the pandemic, one piece at a time.
Brace yourselves - it's gonna be a lonnng ride.

For those of us who turned freshly single just before all hell broke loose :P

When the nation went into lockdown, something told me this wasn't going to be easy. Or temporary. So I started a project on Instagram that was to write about one word every other day for a month, on the terrace wall of this house, that would mean something to anyone who read it. Check out the full series on my Instagram.

Growing up with a mom who worked for the World Health Organization made me super aware of a lot, and so I took up the challenge of encouraging people to...well, wash their damn hands :P

There was this constant shift. From feeling trapped both by the pandemic and the person I lived with at the time, to guilt over my relative privilege as a person with an income, a place to live and internet.

May and June were turning points not just in the national lockdown, but for me personally.
I was finally able to set myself free.
Free of a toxic friendship and an entanglement I didn't want.
Free to live in my own space.
And yet...too free, because that freedom came with near complete isolation from the outside world and from humanity.
I now have a slight understanding of why solitary confinement is such a cruel punishment. There are a lot of things that are terrifying in this world. But nothing more so than being completely alone, with just your thoughts.
Every feeling you buried. Every thought you brushed aside. Every little piece of your past, come to haunt you. Because now there's no daily routine or chaos to bury yourself in. The voices in your head have free reign. The dark places you once buried in some corner rise up and dance around in there.
And yet, there's so much honesty in the pure, unadulterated confrontation of your deepest self.
You start to realise aspects of yourself that you never paid attention to, but deep down always knew existed. You realise there's a reason 'listen to that gut feeling' is the most useful piece of advice ever. You unlearn, rediscover, laugh, cry, mourn, wonder...

And hope becomes a matter of survival, even to the biggest cynic.

On the plus side, I discovered something new - that cooking's a life skill, regardless of gender, and isn't hard at all. Plus, the satisfaction of that first bite, thinking in disbelief 'damn, did I really make something THIS good?!' is unmatched!

I took this photo series after yet another evening devoid of hope, when anxiety dug its claws firmly into my mind in a wave of terrible, indescribable grief.

There was a time when I just hid from the news, and realised how much privilege there is in doing that. After a point, the graphs and numbers seemed like a blur of people. Lives. Families connected to those lives. And the cruelty and unfairness of this world both made me burn and made me cynical. Yet, I hoped.
To this day, I do not know how I had it in me to do that.

And yes, I did discover the joys of baking, albeit on a retro oven that's the exact same age as I am - positively ancient :P

The latter half of the year, losing my cat, who I credit for my still being here today. A handsome ten year-old tom cat with beautiful green eyes, long white whiskers and a fuzzy white fur coat with black patches, I found him in 2010 when he was the size of my palm.
And 2020 claimed him. Racked with pain and terrible suffering, he fought for months through kidney disease. All the while being so patient and such a good boy that it was heartbreaking. Every vet who met him thought he was the most well behaved cat they'd ever met. Through countless vet visits, daily IV fluid infusions, blood transfusions, an ultrasound, force-feeding...
He taught me how much love I'm capable of giving. And how endless grief and sorrow don't discriminate based on species.
Pets are family.

And so a year on, when I look at 2019 and 2020, both the most nerve-wracking, heart-wrenching, twisted, unbelievable years I've seen, I realise something.
For once, none of us was truly alone in 2020. Even if we really were.
Every single one of us, no matter where we were, went through absolute hell. In varying degrees, and not the same experiences.
Under the same sky. Looking up at the same stars. Wondering the same thing - 'will this ever end?'
Not knowing one another, in different parts of the globe, different countries, cultures.
Yet connected as one, in sorrow, grief and helplessness. And also in creating our own little corners of hope.

And so I raise one to all of you.

Congratulations. You made it.
There's tons of WTF moments and disasters ahead, but that's what makes the 'smile as you think of them by yourself' moments that much more special! :)